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Relationships During the Holidays
Episode 185

November 16, 2021

The holidays are a fun and wonderful time of year. There are so many things that make this season beautiful. But when there is tension with family, it can make things a little more stressful than we’d like. So what types of ideas do you have to help things flow smoother and be a better experience? Listen to today’s episode for some tips on making this time a merry time!

Diana Ballard

Mom Training

Relationships During the Holidays

Episode Transcript

The Mom Training Podcast with Diana Ballard

 

Diana:  Hey, momma! You don’t have to do motherhood alone. Come join Mom Training for some amazing support, friendship and community, as we learn together and do this mom thing, the best that we can. And make sure you’re on the lookout for our Black Friday deal, next week. It’s the best sale that we’ve had since we started Mom Training. So, be on the lookout for that DianaBallard.com and we’ll see you in Mom Training.

 

   We wish you a merry Christmas, and a happy New Year…

 

   “Diana, it’s not even Thanksgiving yet.” … That’s alright. But we are going to talk about something that’s really important and something that all of us are going to have to address and deal with over the holidays, and that’s people of all different kinds.

 

   We are in families where there might be people that have different opinions, that we’d get along with really well, or some that we don’t… Or certain conversations that come up, that maybe just aren’t our favorite thing to talk about and…

 

   So, we’re going to discuss a couple of ways to help this holiday season flow smoothly with the people around us. Now, obviously we can’t control people. We can’t control our entire environment when there’s other people involved. But there are proactive things that we can do to make our holiday season a better time and experience.

 

   The main thing that I want to focus on here is our mind work. Being able to prepare our brains and mentally prepare ourselves for maybe some conflict, or maybe somethings that maybe have triggered us in the past and have made us angry, or start fights, or things like that.

 

   So, one of the beautiful things of the holidays is being able to enjoy the time that we have with the people that we love. And the last thing that anyone really wants is to fight with the people that they love, or to have disagreements or to get angry at each other.

 

   Really, what we really want as people is to have fun together, to have enjoyable time, to have memories to look back on that we can always remember, right? Because life happens, things change. You never know, from year to year, who’s going to be there, who’s not. And let’s make every moment that we have, the best possible.

 

   So, here’s a little list of some things that you can mentally prepare for, or start to suggest and plan now so that you can have a better experience and create a beautiful environment for your family and the people that you love.

 

   So, to start off, the foundation piece, that I feel like is the most important during the holidays, is to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself. Because if you are sleep deprived, if you have pounded buttloads of sugar and not drinking water, you’re totally off your thing, your normal eating habits… Your body is like, “What the heck is going on?”

 

   And specifically, the sleep. Specifically, sleep is the main focus. If you can’t focus on anything else, I would say sleep and water… Are probably your two biggest things to focus on, during the holidays, that will help you stay as balanced as possible.

 

   So, I am not the stay-up-after-the-kids-go-to-bed kind of girl, anymore. I used to love that. I used to love staying up late and chatting with people. But as a mom, my responsibilities have increased. And I have to also be responsible for my own health as well as people getting up in the night, people waking up at the butt crack of dawn, and I’m the one that’s like, “Okay, I’m going to take them…” Because they want me.

 

   They’ll go to daddy. They love daddy. Daddy will take them sometimes. But all in all, they want me in the morning, okay. To help them with food, and to snuggle, or whatever it is, whatever needs they have, they love mommy. And I love that about my job as a mom, most mornings. [chuckles] Most mornings, if it’s like 5:00 in the morning, you’re like, “Oh my gosh…”

 

   So, I personally, do not stay up late, especially vacations. Maybe I miss out on some great adult conversation, but I try to have those conversations in the day with whoever I can, because I’m not staying up late. I get really imbalanced when I’m sleep deprived and I don’t want to feel like heck, all holiday season. I don’t want to feel like heck.

 

   I don’t want to struggle with despair, or depression or feeling anxious because I’m sleep deprived. So that is like the main strategy, I would say, for anyone who’s wanting to have a good holiday season, is making sure you get enough rest and take care of your body.

 

   Another thing that is really helpful is remembering that we cannot control every environment or situation that we are walking into, with people that are around us. And so, what can we plan, that’s fun, to try to create better environments?

 

   So, is that going to some activity or some event, community event that’s put on? … Or could we go bowling as a family? Could we go for a walk at the park? Could we do these different things? And talking about these things before you even get there. “Hey, we’re coming to visit. Let’s go do these fun things because it creates a fun environment for everybody.”

 

   Now, will it prevent every problem?... Probably not. But you’re opening up a door for a better opportunity and experience, because there’s fun involved, which is very helpful for creating a positive atmosphere.

 

   So, what fun activities can you plan with your family? And can you talk about them before you get there? Can you try to create a moment by tickets for thing. Just making a fun environment. And that’s a great way for us to help influence our environment and the people around us.

 

   So, if you go back to the idea of being mentally prepared for the holidays, in the beginning of October in Mom Training, we did a session on how to prepare for the holidays, to make it a lot more stress free and enjoyable. So, if you missed that, come join Mom Training. You can totally listen to that; listen to the past sessions. Really, really good content to be able to help us, and there’s lots of things we can do to help us be mentally prepared and stable, by being prepared early.

 

   And lots of things, us moms are responsible for, during the holidays, and as home makers too, we bring this meal; bring this item to the meal… “Can you help out with this party?” … I mean, there’s a lot of stuff that comes during the holidays, and how can we get out of that rat race. That was our Mom Training session in October. So, you can go back and listen to that.

 

   But how can we mentally prepare ourselves for when there’s conflict? … When things are said that maybe you tried to hold a boundary, and someone flares up about that because their ticked you have a boundary… Or you really don’t feel like talking about a certain subject, that’s hearted where there’s like different sides of things…

 

   What are you going to do in those moments? Are you going to walk away? Are you going to go start playing games and pull some people in? What kind of stuff can you do to keep the environment, a healthier environment for you? And what do you need to do to protect your mindset? To protect your peace level?...

 

   Because we’ve all had a couple of hard years; 2020, 2021… They’ve all had … These have probably been the most challenging years of my life, as well as… I’m sure you’ve been affected too, by some form of some crap getting in your life, and being rough.

 

   So, this holiday season which might still look different, depending on how you feel and your safety and the sicknesses and whatever… But what can you do to create this holiday season to be something beautiful, whether it’s at home with just your small, and immediate family, or if it’s with the big group of family that you normally see?

 

   How can you create a peaceful environment, prepare your mind mentally to be in a healthy place? So, is it suggesting those fun activities and limiting exposure that could go south? Walking away, when you know that something’s about to go down or that it might be something that’s triggered you in the past… Or bring up different subjects to talk about, or taking care of yourself.

 

   What strategies have you thought about before even getting there? To have a good experience with the people that you love. If you go into these events with intention to create a peaceful moment, and to love… It will highly increase those things.

 

   Let’s enjoy our loved ones this holiday season, and be grateful for them even in their differences. I hope you’re enjoying the winter weather, wherever you’re at, and just enjoying that it’s a new season. Let’s enjoy the people around us and our family… And we'll see you next Tuesday on The Mom Training Podcast.