Embrace The Process

Sometimes life takes you to extremes to teach you a new skill, lesson or gain experience, but then brings you back to balance.

I met with my business coach today, Elmas, and something stood out to me. We came to the conclusion that “Dreamer Di,” my pen name, was my brand and that it would be our focus. He talked about “Dreamer Di” being my alter ego, meaning, Diana Ballard is my “Clark Kent”, Dreamer Di is my “superman” side. Haha

Long story short. He asked me who I was when I was living in Dreamer Di and my eyes lit up and my demeanor completely changed. Dreamer Di is adventurous, daring, bold, crazy, fun, full of life and enjoying life to the fullest. Part of my brand and business is living my dreams to the fullness and being Dreamer Di and living my dreams as joyfully fierce as possible. And that part of who I am is to encourage others to dream and live their life to the fullest. That could be in encouraging them to do some little dream once a week, once a month etc.

I was just lying in bed and realized I haven’t felt like Dreamer Di in quite a while. Yes, honestly, I have achieved many many dreams, goals and had adventurous wonderful experiences in the last 5 years, but honestly I haven’t really felt much gusto, excitement, passion and explosions of joy life I felt before. I have traveled, seen and experienced new things, people and cool things, but I haven’t really enjoyed them very much. I know that’s terrible to say, but it’s the truth. It’s been all about the logistics, marking things “off the list” and keeping things in order. It’s been hard for me to loosen up, go with the flow and enjoy.

So to tell you who I was before my life changing Europe trip experience and who I am now.

Before the trip, I seriously felt like I had life by the horns. I had amazing daring beautiful adventure often and experienced sweet accomplishment and satisfaction. Spontaneity and fun ran through my blood and it was contagious to others around me. I laughed often, teased and played often and you never knew what you were getting into when you spent time with me. A lot of times it ended in some crazy adventure, where we took an opportunity and ran with it and amazing things happen. Ex: Meeting people from different countries and spending an entire weekend, day and night ,with them, getting to experience cool cultural celebrations because we showed up at the “right place at the right time” and again, always being around when celebrations were happening. Life was a crazy beautiful ride.

Now mind you, this was also a time of great struggle as I healed from a bunch of self abuse, destructive lifestyle etc, and struggled with my own mental, physical and emotional struggles. So just to clarify, my life was far from perfect while all this was happening. But the main thing was that I had a good resilient attitude and life was a fun adventure for me nonetheless.

THEN… the moment happened. I decided to take things a little further. I decided to step out of my comfort zone of thinking and dream BIGGER than I normally had. I planned for the “trip of a lifetime,” (It REALLY was. Haha) my most life-changing event up to that point… Had the nervous break down, learned a lot about what skills I needed and was a blob of a mess when I got home…

Which, I believe that when something is uncomfortable enough, you really do something about it. So I went to work. I worked and worked and worked and worked and worked on those skills and they have become such a passion, so ingrained in me and literally through every cell of my body. Haha

But I will tell you. When I took on this side of me= the logistical, focused, self-discipline side; the free spirited, spontaneous, fun side of me went to sleep. Well, I felt like it died, but I see now it just went to sleep. Now, if that was for purpose or not, I do not know. But, when I do something, I REALLY do something. So I REALLY dove into the logistical side, and because I have done that, I have succeeded in learning the skills in a way that creates amazing results and gives me the tools necessary to literally make anything possible in my life. I’d say the last 5 years of work, sweat and tears was worth it. Yeah?

I just realized right now that on march 1st it will be my 5 year anniversary from the day I landed on England soil on that epic adventure. How ironic that I am learning the lesson today about integrating back in the “Adventurous Wild Dreamer Di” when this anniversary is here. Also how ironic that this is all happening when ALSO on March 1st, in 6 days, I will land on Bermuda soil with my Sweet husband and daughter while being 6 months pregnant with our 2nd child. (Wow a lot has changed in 5 years!)

I have been stressed about this trip and have almost been excited for it to be over because of how much work it is taking to prepare for it. How many logistics need to be worked out. How much make up work I will have to do for school. Yada yada.

I just realized how sad that is!

So, I totally agree! It’s time to bring the life-breathing, excited, adventurous Dreamer Di back into the mix. And into the mix meaning combining the logistical skills, wisdom and knowledge WITH the ability to TRULY enjoy life and see, feel and experience the beauty.

Oh how refreshing and freeing.

Hopefully I can learn a balance between the two. Cause they both need “checks and balances” along the way. 2 extremes meeting into one.

So anyway that’s the point I was meaning to get to… ha That sometimes life will give you a time in your life, an experience, a hardship or a molding moment that will take you in a direction of learning. **That’s if you can open your eyes to see it that way of course. You could also choose to sit there and wallow in your struggles and pain, have a pity party and be upset. Which I did this for maybe 6months-year after my trip, I can’t remember. Until I finally started opening up to see that this was one of the greatest molding opportunities if I LET it be.

I took a sharp turn into the left side of the brain and dug into the logistics.

Now it is time to combine the two. Oh how grateful I am for these last 5 years of training. And everything it has prepared me for.

So now it is time for me to awaken again the side of me that is a risk taker, and opportunity grabber, butt grabber (Ha sorry, I got a good giggle at putting that. Even though I probably wont be grabbing too many butts now that I’m married. I just like to make people surprised and jump everyonce in a while. Gives me a good laugh. So maybe I should have just put a teaser… haha)

But nevertheless, I laid there in bed just now and started thinking about exciting things I wanted to accomplish and the possibilities. I was thinking about how fun this trip will be and relishing in the feeling again of optimistic dreaming and possibilities.

So here is to adding together the two pieces of me. I am excited to see what “Chemical equation” is created by doing so. I’m sure this will take practice, but I’m excited to give this a try.

Love Dreamer Di

Challenge: What is going on in your life right now? Could there be something you need to learn? A skill that will help you in the future? Embrace it and start learning. Years down the road you might be happy you did. :)

Word: Empowered

P.s. Feeling this baby kick inside of me is the biggest blessing. My greatest dreams I have accomplished so far are becoming a wife and a mother. I am so grateful I have the chance to have these special dreams come true.

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